Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I couldn't do it....

I don't get embarrassed very often.

Even before I had a child, I really didn't get embarrassed too easily. No clue to why that is. But let's all be honest, after you've become a parent, for some reason it's hard to get embarrassed any more. I'm going to assume it's because if a child does anything for you, they will humble you for sure. Maybe it's because my private parts were laid out for all to see when I delivered (because at that point and time, even modest people like me DON'T CARE), maybe it's because no matter how cute my outfit, there is always baby spit up or boogers on it...whatever it is, it works. At least for me.

Last night, I did however have one of those moments when I wanted to crawl under a table.

We decided to go ahead and get our physicals out of the way for the adoption process. It's one of the many things on our long list of "got to dos."

David started his on Monday morning and had to leave because I threatened him with his life if I had to miss the photography lesson I got invited to. So his ended up being a two day process. He went to the local health clinic (cause it was free if we went there and not our doctor) and spent the next two hours waiting for a ten minute look over from the doctor. He walked in the house and we decided that it would be best if I go ahead and go that night even though it meant no family time for the evening.

So, I go up there and wait F.O.R.E.V.E.R. before I'm even called back. The first thing I have to do is pee in a cup for the drug test. The girl shows me the little toilet I'm to use and gives me the cup. Obviously, since it was a drug test, she had to pat me down and then stand right there while I gave my sample. I knew I had to do this, so I made sure to drink an entire can of diet coke before going and I was about to bust while waiting to be called back. I however have never given a drug test before in my life and have never had to pee in front of someone else before.

And evidently, I cannot do it.

Now believe me, I can pee in a cup. I did it about 184 times while pregnant with Olivia. I successfully gave a pee sample every time I walked into my OB office when pregnant. Only difference was that I was in a bathroom alone!!!! It's much different when you have to pee in front of someone! Oh excuse me, there were actually two women in there although one of them couldn't see me, she could hear me. I sat there totally embarrassed and apologized to the ladies about ten times.

They turned on the water at the sink....nothing.

They tried to talk me through it..."you can do it!".....nothing.

It was soooo embarrassing. I was almost in tears on the toilet.

After ten minutes, they told me to try again later.

So, they gave me a tb test, took my weight, etc., and we tried again.

I sat there for another ten minutes before one of the ladies walked out and the one originally watching me, decided to find something to do on the other side of the room. Finally, I did it.

And then I dropped my cup in the toilet.

No lie.

I had to then get up and explain to the lady what happen and fish my cup out of the toilet. I'm sure at that moment the girl wanted to punch me in the face. It was only 20 minutes till closing time and they still had a waiting room full of people. Yeah, I wanted to punch myself at that point and time. Luckily, let's just say the third time was a success.

All I have to say is that the adoption thing better be successful, because I will not be able to go through that again.

Once again, awkward moments always seem to find me.

(image credit)

5 comments:

Kim said...

That's too funny! I've taken a dozen drug tests before and never, not once, did I ever have someone in there with me!! That's creepy!

The Popes said...

Someones always supposed to watch. In case you try to dilute it with toilet water. Which sounds very much like what Ambo tried to do!

Tristan said...

bahahahaha.
wowzers!
what a time you had!

Jennifer said...

I didn't know someone has to be in there with you for a drug test. I've never heard of that before! Is this something people can even do easily? I don't think I could do it either. You poor thing!

Kameron said...

They are in a stall with you or there is no stall? I can pee in front of my friends but have never had to pee in front of anyone else! lol Glad you finally got a sample for them!