Friday, February 27, 2015

a few friday extras...

A couple of months ago, I got into scrap booking with project life

I want to do a whole post on it later, but for now, just know that I'm totally loving it and cannot get enough at the moment.  I still take a lot of pictures during the week, but I find I no longer feel the need to post every single one to social media since they're more for going into the scrap books.

Here are a few extras from this week that didn't make instagram or facebook...

Monday we were in Milla's room playing. I was laying on the floor and I looked up to see Livi trying to pick Milla up and put her in the crib.  Being that Milla already weighs over half of what Livi does, it didn't end well.  

Milla had a well check up on Tuesday morning.  Thankfully, we got nothing but good news and they were happy with how she looks.  On the way home I looked back to see her passed out.  She hardly ever sleeps in the car, so the visit must have worn her out.

The in-laws are in the process of redoing their living room.  I've been helping with it and Tuesday afternoon we made a quick trip to Ikea.  We had been eying the perfect rug but in true Ikea fashion, they were out of stock for awhile, we finally got lucky on Tuesday, only to realize the curtains we needed were out of stock.  The funny part of this story, is that her and I have a reputation of fitting huge things in tiny cars.  It started with two 8 foot Christmas trees the day after thanksgiving where she practically rode on the roof.  On two separate trips, I've successfully fit four full size wicker chairs and four six foot bookcases (in boxes) along with a kid in a car seat in a Nissan Altima.  We took her car thinking the seats folded down, only to get in the parking lot and realize that wasn't the case.  We found ourselves once again trying to cram a 9 foot long rug in a 10 foot long car.  I sent this pic to David telling him to never underestimate our small car/big item shopping.

This one made the love for Livi facebook page.  When did she start to look so grown up???

We were "all on a plane to no where!" according to Livi.

Another Love for Livi....David's boss sent these glasses home to the girls the other day. Milla wants nothing to do with them, but Livi loves them and has been wearing them constantly.  They're hilarious and creep me out all at the same time.

It's been a long, cold, wet February. We were spoiled during January, but this month, Winter finally decided to show up.  It feels like the sun hasn't shined in weeks.  Yesterday we finally got to see the sun shine again and it felt like I hadn't seen anything that beautiful in awhile.

It's not unusual to walk in and find Milla doing something she's not supposed to be doing....kinda like shaking her money maker on the kitchen table.

 Oh, and Livi walks around half naked all the time, but I feel like she's too big to post those pictures on the internet, so that's the reason for the stars.

I posted another version of this one last night and evidently it hit home with a lot of folks.  I feel like I miss titled it should have said "what 5 o'clock somewhere really looks like!"

This kid always has a lot to say and she's very animated about it.

Happy Friday everyone! : )

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Looking back.

Can I tell you a secret?

These days I can no longer look at pictures of Olivia pre diagnoses.

As far as I can look back is the week that everything changed, beyond that, I just can't do it anymore. 

Right now...looking back feels like torture.

While doing some early spring cleaning the other day, I stumbled across a SD card. It sat on the counter for a week or so before I popped it in the hard drive.

They immediately brought tears to my eyes. 

Okay, the reality is that I sat there and stared at them for maybe a good twenty minutes and bawled my eyes out. 

These pictures were taken a little over a year ago.

I feel like I don't even know who that little girl is anymore.

Is it crazy I feel like I don't even remember her with hair anymore?

It hurts to look at pictures and know that just six months later, my girl would be laying in ICU fighting for her life.

That six months later our world would be rocked and as they say "we'd become members of an exclusive country club no one wants to be apart of."

That life would now divided into "pre-cancer" and "post-cancer" days. 

It's crazy how much life can change in just a year...a week...a day...

I stumbled across a qoute on Pinterest the other day and it said

"When you can tell your story and it doesn't make you cry, you know you have healed." ~Unknown.

Oh,how true is that?

I'm not there where near it. 

It feels like we have a long way to go, but day by day it's getting a little easier to look back.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Blogging about blogging.

I don't think the blog has ever gone silent for this long.

I've been asked for awhile now about the blog...the question is getting more and more frequent and from people whom I never realized ever took the time to read my words. After all this time, I'm still always amazed by who reads.

To be honest, I've had a love/hate relationship with blogging for some time now.

Blogging has changed a lot since I started over six years ago.

A lot of the bloggers I've read for years have either gone commercial and it's nothing but promotions, life is just so ge-golly-perfect all the time, or they stopped blogging all together.

I got tired of it.
When you look up and it feels like your life is falling apart around get tired of constantly being sold something or hearing how everyone else's life is perfect. 

Yes, times have been though for a lot of people for while now and some people are just trying to make some money through blogging and I'm smart enough to know that no one's life is perfect no matter how hard they try to portray it on social media.  However, when you have a year old who it seems hates life in general and still gets up multiple times a night while you're going on over a year without sleep, a marriage that feels like is coming apart at the seams, and a kid who has's hard to hide the un-perfectness of your own life on social media.

I mean, what do you blog you and your husband fought again last you cleaned up after chemo puke all day long....or how you tried to let your toddler "cry it out" and she cried so long and loud she woke the whole house up at two a.m.  Life hasn't felt pretty and blog worthy these past six months, so it just felt natural to leave it behind. 

However, that being said....I still didn't want to forget those imperfect moments down the road. Though they didn't make the blog, they found themselves in a paper journal by my bedside. Every hurt, fear, and scar...they're still written down so I can look back one day at how far we've come with this journey.

The bad moments are just as important to remember as the good.  

I don't know where I'm going from here as far as blogging goes.  A couple of weeks ago, I had a heart to heart about blogging from a long time blogging friend who is a blogger herself. Oddly, not long after that conversation, a heart to heart about it came from two other people who aren't bloggers, but read my blog. Well, all those had me thinking about the blog again in a different light and I'm still sitting and thinking on it.

Honestly, I'm not even sure where I'm going with all this, but to somewhat explain the absence. 

Though I'm not sure it calls for a comeback to blogging, life has slowly been getting better....David and I had a come to Jesus about us last October and though marriage is a constant work in progress, things have since been heading in the right direction. Livi is finally past the hardest parts of chemo and on the downhill slope as far as treatment goes...and Milla....well, she's still getting up multiple times a night....but not everything can be perfect, right?