Tuesday, April 29, 2014

So, let's talk about what you all have really been waiting for me to talk about...

I guess I've been mum about it all long enough.

Just in case you're not up to date on what's been going on in our lives lately...a few weeks ago our best friends/neighbors announced to the world they were selling their house.  Then last week, they went a step farther and broke the news they were not only selling their house (yes, the house we moved next door to three months ago), but they are moving to Arizona.

Our best friends are moving thousand of miles away.

I think it was seriously a matter of minutes after Nicole posted about selling the house that people started asking me how I felt about it all. 

I keep my mouth shut for a little while because I was still trying to process it all myself, but I'll be honest....it blows.

As you can guess, we've known for a little bit longer than the rest of the world.  Pretty much the moment they came home from the hospital, they dropped the bomb on us about selling the house and their plans.  Though nothing was official till last week, David and I had a feeling that it was for sure going to happen.  We know them well enough to know when they make up their mind, there's no turning back.  I'd like to tell you I was an awesome friend and right away told them to follow their dreams, but for a good three weeks, I did anything but that.

Instead, I tried every way to talk them out it.  I pouted. I cried and when it looked like things were not going my way, I got in a fight with Nicole in the middle of a homeschool field trip.....needless to say, we haven't been invited back. 

After about three weeks of wallowing in my sorrows,  I was on the phone with my mom (she doesn't even know this) and naturally the question "what are you up to?" was asked.  As silly as it may sound, her answer put everything in a different perspective...."I'm going to pick up Laura from the airport." Now, I know you're thinking "huh??" Let me explain...when my mom moved to Nashville fourteen years ago, Laura was one of her first friends. They homeschooled together, went to church together, vacationed together, basically did life together. Well, several years ago, Laura and her family moved thousands of miles away from Nashville to be closer to their family.

Ummmm.....yeah, okay...I get it.

After pouting a little bit longer, I decided to be the friend she needs.  I told her I sorry for being a crappy friend and that they had my support.

I'm a firm believer that with everything in life, that if it's meant to be, it will be.  These are words that David and I repeatedly say about anything going on in our life. 

These past few weeks, things have started to all fall into place with their big move, so as hard as it is to face the reality, obviously, it's meant to be.

Several people have commented about how surprised they are over the move.  As I was telling another friend the other day, them wanting to go to Arizona is actually no surprise to us.  Them wanting to move to Arizona is like us wanting to move to the coast. If you know us, you know it's something we've always talked and would jump at the chance if it ever arose. They have always talked about wanting to live in Arizona.  It's their happy place.  It wasn't so much as a shock of them going to Arizona as the timing of things.  We've always known that one of us would move farther away one day, we all just thought it would be us Mabreys first.  Honestly, I'm even amazed she came back from vacation...I was convinced she was going to go out there and stay forever.

Not only that, Nic wants to be closer to her family.  I get that, I really do.  It's funny because David and I have talked for years about "moving away" if Waffle house ever offered.  In the last year or so, we've talked more about staying instead.  We're lucky enough that most of our family lives within thirty minutes of us.  We get to spend weekends, holidays, and birthdays with them all.  For us personally, we've decided that it's important for our girls to continue to be surrounded by that family.  I want that for Nicole too. I know millions do it each and every day, but I cannot imagine what it's like to spend every holiday away from family. 

So, yes, I'm sad.  A lot of tears have already been cried over it.  In fact, I cried so much the day before she officially anncounced it to the rest of the world, that David had to take me for a margarita at lunch time.  It was that bad. 

At the same time though, I'm very happy for them. They're taking a chance and going after something they've always dreamed of. How can you be mad at a friend for that?

 It's for sure going to be an adjustment.  For the past few years, it's been popular for churches in our area to use the term "doing life together."  Oddly, I feel like that pretty much sums up the past five years for Nicole and I....we've been doing life together.  The hardest part is going to be getting used to  doing life without her right by my side. The waffle life can for sure be a different life and one that not everyone understands.  It's been nice these years to have someone who gets it and who's basically on the same crazy schedule as you.  The funny thing is I actually have another best friend that I literally talk to every single day.  She actually lives only thirty minutes from me, but we only see each other maybe twice a year.  Now, I guess I'm going to have two.

As far as what's happening with us and the farmhouse, we're set to stay for the time being.  The farmhouse is separate from their house and actually owned by Andrews mom.  We've been talking with her since the beginning of all of this and she's giving us her blessing to stay as long as we want.  I'll be honest, it's going to be really weird living here with a stranger living in their house, but hopefully we'll get used to it.  I think who's going to take it hardest is Olivia, but as David has already often reminded me, unfortunately life is full of heartbreak and this won't be the last time for her.

So, that's where I  stand on it all.....I'm happy, I'm sad.  For now, we'll enjoy what time we have left being just step away and continue with making plans for future visits...you know those are already in the works. 

Monday, April 28, 2014

Just what we needed.

This past weekend David ran away for a guys weekend.  When his trip was scheduled a couple of months ago, I may have kind of maybe whined to the in laws that we were going to be flying solo for the weekend. 

In their usual fashion, they came to my rescue and whisked the girls and I away to camp for the weekend.

It ended up being just what we...okay, I...needed.

The week had ended up being a rough one since Amelia ended up with her first ear infection, got Olivia's nasty cold from the week before, and cut her fourth tooth....on top of the fact David was gone for the majority of it.....yeah, the week was as much as a joy as you can just imagine it to be. 

I had almost backed out and told them to go without us, but the fresh air and a couple of extra pair of hands ended up doing us all good. 

A lot of people ask when I say "we camp."  Well, this is our version of camping.  No we don't tent camp.  We used to at one time, but we're not that hard core anymore. Air condition and a refrigerator make camping a little more fun.


And because David says this is the only way he knows I'm actually there...

I left feeling somewhat more relaxed....we did go camping with a nine month old.   It ended up just what we needed though to set our week off on the right foot.  A weekend camping always seems to set me straight for a little while.

Like every camping trip before, we came home promising to go again soon.

 As it was so rightly said one night over the campfire...

"I love camping.  It always relaxes me......or that may just be the margaritas I just had!" 

I'm going to go with both. 

Thursday, April 24, 2014

It's a love/hate thing.

I guess I should be worried when the husband comments about no blog posts.

I may have not mentioned it before, but he's not always a fan of the ol' blog here and he only reads it about once a month or when a friend comments to him about something they read in a blog post.  

He likes his privacy, he likes our family's privacy.  He doesn't "get" social media. Believe it or not, he's not on facebook or twitter.  Never has been, never plans to be.  He is a member of instagram, but he only follows me to see pictures of the girls throughout the day when he's away.  He doesn't take any instagram pics himself, so no need to search him out.

However, his comment last night brought up a conversation about the blog.

I have a very love/hate relationship with blogging these days.

A big part of me gets where he's coming from.  When I started this blog (joined facebook, instagram, etc.) I honestly didn't think about how it was having myself and my family out there for the world to see. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, but we all know the type of world we live in.  People can be mean.  People can be judgmental.  People can be downright crazy. Though for the most part, I've had pretty good feedback from these social outlets, but I have had my fair share of criticism.  Sometimes you just get tired of putting yourself out there for the world to see.

Lately I've just wanted to hide my family from the world.  Maybe it comes from being out here on the farm and kinda by ourselves, but in a weird way, its made me long for our privacy back.

I want to enjoy the moment and live life without having to worry about snapping pictures for a post, or spending what very little time I have for myself these days, on keeping the world up to date with our lives.  Lately there has just been a strong urge to spend my time doing other things.  For the past year or so, blogging has felt like its gone for being something I do for myself, to being something I do for others. I cannot tell you how many times I've thought about quitting, only two days later to be told by someone "I love reading your blog" and then the guilt to continue on washes over me and I keep blogging on.

And then there comes the love part...

For years (I've been blogging for over five years now....crazy!) I never went back and read old post. No clue as to why.  Nicole would get on to me all the time for not going back to read them again. About a year ago though, I started going back to read a few.  Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, but I started to love going back to read them and crying over how little Olivia was just a year before.  I love the record keeping aspect of it still.  Part of me worries about what the girls will think if they stumble across the blog years from now.  Will they hate the fact I shared details of their daily lives with the world and not just a plain old scrapbook, or will they look over that and love the fact I kept something that we can look back on the memories?

To be honest, I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this.  Though I have struggled with it in the past, I don't feel as the blog is over quite yet.  At the same time though, I haven't had the urge to sit down and record the past month or so. 
These past few weeks, we've been digesting some big news from friends, we've celebrated the upcoming marriage of a family member, and we've gotten back into a school routine that we've finally been able to keep up with and seeing some success with.  On top of that, we've dealt with a kid sick with a virus one week and the other kid with an earache/cold/fourth tooth coming in this week (that has been as fun as you can imagine it is). 

Blogging or not, life has still been full.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

How do you know?

David and I have really never agreed on that magic number of kids.

I have always wanted four and he was always set on two.

We met in the middle with three.

Then we spent three years trying to get pregnant again and when it looked like it wasn't going to happen, we came to terms and were okay with one.  We made new plans and dreams that fit our family of just three and carried on with life. 

Then Amelia came along, three became four, and there again was that dream that maybe four could be five one day.

But that dream was short lived.  There is no way around it, Amelia has been a tough baby.  Colic and reflux have kicked our butts over this past eight months.  We wouldn't trade her for the world and we know this is just a stage of life, but it hasn't made these past eight months any easier.

Five months in, we decided we were done.

Two were plenty.

So, we made plans to make things permanent.

For three months now, this permanent solution has been on the schedule.  After several months of me being on several different hormonal solutions, I had to come off because I felt like it was making me crazy.  Needless to say, we've been counting down the days till this could be done.  We were ready to be done...ready to be heading out of the baby stage of life with our two girls.

Life could easily be pictured with our two girls. 

Tuesday was the big day, we dropped the girls off with the sitter, headed out to the appointment.  After 30 minutes of back and forth, due to a huge mix up with prescriptions, billing, voice mail messages, etc....pretty much everything that could be wrong was wrong...things did not go as planned and the permanent solution did not happen.

At first I was pissed.....so very pissed.  I cried.  I yelled.  I blamed him for it all going wrong.  I did all the things you do when things don't go as planned.

After an awkward thirty minute drive home, I had finally calmed down enough for us to somewhat talk about what had just happened an hour before. By the time we made it to lunch, we were joking about "number 3."

And because I'm one of those people who believes everything happens for a reason, then of course....I've questioned it since.

Maybe we aren't done?
Maybe it all happened for a reason?
Maybe we are supposed to be a family of 5?
Maybe there's a reason we had went ahead and bought a minivan last year?

I know I no longer want four, but I still love the dynamics of a family of five. We have some good friends with three kids whom we spend time with on a regular basis.  I love the dynamics of their family.  It's kinda crazy and loud, but not Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar crazy and loud.  It kinda feels like a big family but without the cost of a big family.

I understand his feelings of only two.  As the breadwinner in our family, he feels major pressure for the financial responsibility of our kids.  I know when it comes to kids and finances, peoples beliefs or all over the board, but the only way to sum it up is we do have a standard of living we want our kids to be raised in and having more than two would effect that.  Not saying we'd be out on the street if we had another, but the extras and travel wouldn't be what we would like to have. 

On top of that, it would mean a 4th c-section to my body.  Due to my past, I would be a repeat c-section.  C-sections are rough and harder to recover with each time. Yeah, there's a lot worse, but it's no slice of cake either.  Though my Dr. hasn't told me that I can't have another, she has made me aware that I only have really one more shot. She doesn't recommend more than three usually.

So, here we are a few days out and I'm still questioning.  It's funny because just the other night a friend was talking about having another and she said her biggest fear was the same as mine....would it be something I regret later on?  I doubt I'll ever regret having a third...but do you regret not having another?

How do you know?

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

First Day~April 2014

 Here's a peek into our first day of April...

Technically, my little human alarm went off at 2am, but I was not coherent enough to snap any pics at that time of day. So, our day started with her second alarm of the day...

I can't do just regular old coffee anymore, it makes me gag, so I'm getting my caffeine from those crystal light packs with "energy." And yes, I probably drink way more in one day that I should.

Shout out to the monogram!!!


I'm kinda jealous of those legs...and she's only four!!! Mismatched flip flops are her "thing" these days.

Okay, I've been getting a few of those questions along the lines of "what do you do all day?" and though I know I should just ignore it, it was kinda bugging me lately.  So, I dug up an old pedometer and this was in just the first hour and fifteen minutes.  So contrary to belief, no, I don't watch daytime tv all day.

Laundry......always laundry.


Can you spy two fairies hiding from baths and bedtime? 


Little sister has a new bedtime routine where she stands up int crib and screeches like a pterodactyl while repeatedly throwing all the pacis in her bed at you all the way across the room (we may have a softball player on our hands), this routine last about an hour, so big sister hangs out with us until little sisters nightly gig is up.  It's actually kind of a funny routine. 

I read while he watched movies he's already seen a thousand times.

Last call of the night...

Linking up with Nic

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

2014 Reads.

Reading hasn't been happening much lately. 

I want to.  I just haven't been able to a). find the mood and b). find the time. 

I usually always try to read before bed but have been falling asleep the moment my head hits the pillow at 8:30pm.

Here are a few things I've read so far this year...

The Magician's Nephew 


Confession...I have never read the Chronicles of Narnia.  I've had the books for years, but I just cannot get into them.  For some reason, it bugs the heck out of me that these are classics I have never read.  I decided this year to just tackle one at a time every few months or so.  They're short and easy reads. I started January with The Magician's Nephew.  I finished it, but wasn't totally impressed.  I've decided to keep on trucking through them so I can say I've read them. I've yet to pick up the next though.

The Hangman's Daughter

This one got a lot of hype and great reviews, but to be honest, I was a little disappointed in it.  Its was much longer than it needed to be and I personally thought it was anticlimactic for the type of book it was.  It's a series and I've heard the second gets better, but I doubt I'll pick it up. 

Orphan Train

Loved it! It was an interesting read and had good message in the end. It's one of those that everything was tied up in a pretty little bow at the end and let's be honest, sometimes we need those kind of books.  A great vacation read.

Fortune's Children: The fall of the house of Vanderbilt

I picked this one up on our trip to Asheville last year and have been reading this one for months now.  I finally finished it on vacation.  If you're into historical nonfiction, it was a really interesting to learn about the Vanderbilt family. David has been reading it for the last month or so and it's lead to a lot of discussion between he and I.  Plus, it's always fascinating to see how those people lived.

The Signature of All Things

I enjoyed Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love a few years back, but have yet to pick anything else of hers up.  I had heard great things about this one and snatched it up at the library while at story time one day.  This book was interesting to say the least.  It's definitely a different story line and some might not be comfortable reading it, but I loved this book.  It's about 500 pages and I devoured it in two days (we were on vacation, so my children didn't have to be ignored).  The last two pages of the book were so good, I had to read them out loud to David. It's not light reading, but it's definitely worth it. Yes, I even snapped photos of the last two pages since it was a library book.

Love that!

So, read anything good lately?