Thursday, March 31, 2011

(sigh).........

I have a couple of post that I've been working on trying to get up the past few days, but between David finding some new stock something or other and fighting over the computer with him, and a few things on my mind now, I haven't been able to get them out. I promise Mom, the picture I told you about will be posted soon.

Anyways.......

One of those things.......Bella (our dog) attacked Olivia.

To say it has really unnerved me is an understatement.

Yesterday afternoon, I was trying to keep Olivia entertained for the last few minutes before we needed to leave for church. Bella was laying on the couch in her usual spot, so I told Olivia "let's go play with Bella." We went over there and were playing and petting her for a good 10 minutes. Nothing that we haven't done a thousand times before. Olivia was climbing on and off the couch like she always does and I guess, from what I saw out of the corner of my eye, Olivia was trying to climb onto the couch on the side of Bella closest to the couch arm. I don't know if she maybe used Bella to try to pull herself up or if maybe Bella was just feeling too crowded, all I know is that Bella suddenly snapped at her face. Thank God, I was right there. I just screamed and grabbed Bella's collar and threw her out the back door. It was so quick and sudden, that's the only thing I could think to do. Olivia didn't cry or anything, I think she was in shock of it all and our sudden actions, but she does have bruises on her face where Bella did get her. Thankfully, the skin wasn't broken or anything that require medical care.

The scary part.......If Bella had broken skin or gone any deeper, Olivia would probably no longer have a right eye.

I'm being dead serious.

The bruises are exactly above and below her eye, barely missing her eye socket. If Bella would have chomped down......my daughter would no longer have an eye.

So, you can see why I've been so unsettled. I know life is full of "what could've happened" and you can spend your days wondering, but it's hard for me to look at her little face and see those bruises and not think....what if???

Last night after we got home from church and I had called my mom (cause that's what we always do right? call mom), I got upset and blamed myself for it all since I was the one who wanted a dog and basically picked Bella out.

David was trying to console me and said to me "your her mom, not her guardian angel...."

I snickered and told him "you will never convince any mother of that."

So, after talking to a few people that we know have had similar issues, we've decided that we don't want to consider this a one time thing and we will be getting rid of Bella. That is just a chance we're not willing to gamble with. We went back and forth for awhile last night on the fact that we realize the importance of teaching Olivia about animals and their personal space, but next time, it could very well be her eye.

Honestly, if we would have still had a gun in the house at the moment, this problem would have been quickly taken care of not even moments after it happened. For now, Bella has been outside and will remain outside until we can get rid of her. We will be calling the pound today that we got her from to see what our options are. And yes, in case your wondering, she will be put down. When you try to get rid of a dog, that is the first question they ask you. If the dog has attacked anyone, they walk them right back and put them down. I'm an animal lover, but I totally understand and agree. It's not a chance you can take.

Lesson learned is that no matter how sweet the dog is, every dog has their limits. Bella has been the sweetest dog from day one and Olivia is always playing with her and loving on her and Bella just usually sits there and takes it. We are constantly telling Olivia to be gentle and soft with her. We are constantly showing her the correct way to treat the dog, so please no comments saying we needed to teach Olivia better the correct way to treat the dog. I know dog will be dogs and some might feel it's not Bella's fault, but it's my job to protect my child and that's a chance I will not take. Several asked why Buddy (our lab) was put outside, it was because he started growling at Olivia on a regular basis and we didn't want to risk it, so he became an outside dog (and then got out of the fence and ran away). This was before Olivia could even crawl, so it just goes to show that's it not always the child's fault.

We'll probably wait a couple more years when Olivia is old enough to understand that animals need their space, to get another dog. But for now, we're giving up on family pets.

Monday, March 28, 2011

It's come and gone.

Spring has seemed to come and gone for now. It's not freezing, but it's rainy and colder than it has been the past few weeks. The rest of the week is not looking much better. I'm glad to see all the pollen washed away, but I'm ready for some nice weather again.

It stopped raining Sunday afternoon, so I attempted to take Olivia out to play on our front porch. I told her several times to "STAY ON THE PORCH" and as soon as I turned my back to sit in the chair, she had already ran over to the first "clay" mud puddle she could reach. Of course she was in her brand spanking new shoes her Nana bought her. I think I scared her with how fast I took them off and ran to the laundry room to throw them in the wash. Thankfully, they look like they'll survive.


David has been on vacation for the past few days. We decided for this to be our "stay-cation." Most of our plans revolved around working to finish the yard, but obviously, the weather is not cooperating. Some how, we've managed to be extremely busy his entire vacation and have hardly sat down, even without working in the yard. I realized today that he only has three days left and we haven't spent much family time together. I'm hoping the next few days we can make up for it.

The best news is, that we now have less than two months before we go on our first official vacation to the beach. I feel like I have never been more ready for a vacation!!!


I went on a girl date the other morning with Amy and our friend Dana from church. We went to see Tangled at the $1 theater. It was sooooo cute!!! I had heard that it was really good, but I was actually surprised by how cute it was. It's one of the better movies Disney has came out with in awhile in my opinion. I'll definitely be buying that one for Olivia's collection of movies she never watches!

Amy took pictures of the girls (Olivia and Matalie) over the weekend and posted them on her blog. Please spend two minutes and click over to read. The pictures are too cute!

Nic and Josie are finally home and our sister wife group is whole again. They came over for dinner last night and it was the first time we've seen them in a month!!! At first we just kinda stared at each other like two awkward teenagers on a first date, but we quickly fell back into our usual conversation. Ok, I'm kidding...we didn't really stare at each other, we just picked up conversation right where it left off a month ago. That's the thing I love about my two besties....we just pick up right where we left off.



Thank you for the encouraging comments from yesterdays post. We're standing by our decision to adopt and we're not backing out. I'm sure that's how it might have came across. David and I had a great conversation about it all over coffee this morning and he put it perfectly....

"I look at us taking the foster care classes as our meeting God halfway...now it's up to God to decided when and if we're ready, and him to place children in our life. If he never does, it's okay, we knew we at least did our part and he did not think we could handle it. I don't look at it as taking the classes were in vain if we never do receive a child. They may have helped us to just be a better parent to Olivia, or to even just open our eyes and to become aware."

And that has calmed my doubts.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

How do I know?

The other morning, I had a girl date with a couple of girl friends. One of those friends, is getting ready to move half way across the country with her family because it's always been a dream of theirs to live out there. Most of the lunch we talked about their upcoming move and how much it's going to impact their lives. She at one point said "who knows...we think it's what God wants us to do, but it might really just be what we're wanting to do...I feel at peace about it, but we might pack up and be back here in a year."

And that got me thinking....How do we really know the difference between what God wants us to do in our lives and what is actually just what we want for our lives?

Just because we feel peace about it.....does that really mean it's what God wants for us?

Because I'll be honest.....There are days that I have doubts are we really supposed to adopt and have a big family like I've wanted.

Yes, it's a decision that I feel good about a majority of the time. But there are many times when I don't have the peace about it. Some days I can barley keep my patience with one child...let alone add three more in the picture. And then some days, what I refer to is my selfishness comes into my thoughts...if we only have two, I could have more clothes for the kids and I, I could have a nicer car, I could afford then to travel more (even though I'm a homebody who doesn't really like to travel), I could......etc., etc., etc.....the list could go on.

Some might jump up to say that is the devil putting thoughts and doubts in your head, but just this Sunday morning, the Bishop reminded us that not all things from God are positive and perfect. There are times that God sends us what we believe to be a negative into our lives, in order to stop us from the path we're thinking we should take. And I wonder....is that what God is doing to me?

Are those thoughts in my head because God is putting them there? God knows what I can handle and is it him that is making me doubt? Should I really raise more than one more? Especially children that are not from my own flesh and blood? Unlike my friend, I can't just pack them up and return them back from where they came from.

We haven't received any news from DFACS, but we have been approached from outside about children that needed homes. In fact, we've already been approached two different times. Each time, I immediately said "sure," but each time as the days pass, I could justify more why we shouldn't take the children rather than should. Maybe it's because they weren't what we envisioned? Maybe if we got the call and were offered exactly what we see ourselves with, maybe that doubt wouldn't be there?

But...How do I know?

This is not a plea for you all to tell me how great a mother I am, which I know that's what you all would tell me right? ; ) These are just the thoughts running through my head lately.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Yard.

We're back in business here. It's amazing what a little threatening to switch to a different internet provider can do. Amazingly they were suddenly out here in less than 24 hours and we now again have Internet! Isn't it amazing how that works??? Some times, you just got to get a little nasty.

So, I'll go ahead and apologize to anyone who is not family and those who do not care, but I promised my family that I would post pictures of our yard. Since this blog is mainly for them....they're request will be fulfilled.

To explain (in case your new)....we bought our very first home last year and it was a fore-closer. A fore-closer that needed a good bit of work both inside and out. But, it was a great deal and we walked into our house with already $50,000 in equity, so it was something worth putting the work into. We've spent the first year working on the inside and the back yard (it needed the least amount of work). The front yard was a totally different story....it was bad....bad folks. In fact, it is probably safe to say it was a danger zone for anyone who walked through it.

True story....last Halloween, a kid fell into a hole in our front yard. No lie....David yelled at her to not go that way, but in all her excitement of getting some candy, she did and feel knee deep in a hole..... can we say EMBARRASSING for us!!! Thankfully, she wasn't hurt and the parents didn't press charges. I can't promise she'll be back this Halloween for candy though.

Originally, we figured it would be a few years before we could afford to touch it, but we've already gotten sick of looking at it. Plus, Olivia loves being outside and we 99% of the time end up out on the front porch. We had a couple of professionals look at it and we've gotten several different quotes for several different ways to improve it, but we just really couldn't afford it. Plus, we can always justify to ourselves that spending that kind of money would be better spent on something else. So, David decided to price out if we did it ALL ourselves and there was no going back after seeing how much we would save.

Since he only gets a real weekend off every six weeks, we planned a few weeks back to go ahead and go for it. That way his dad would be here to help him. So two weekends ago, they spent the entire day cutting down somewhere between 9-12 good size trees. Why is there not an exact number??? David says 12...I only counted nine and that's even counting the one he didn't exactly cut down, but instead fell over after another tree he cut fell on top of it....but, whatever....who's counting?

This past weekend, they rented a bobcat and got to work on grading the yard. We had a huge ditch that followed the side of the yard that was so deep, I could stand in it and you couldn't see me. Plus, years of erosion (and nothing done about it) lead to a huge drop off in the middle of the yard. Like I said..danger zone!

I do have before pictures, but they are stuck on the other computer, so I'm using a picture from the weekend they cut the trees down as a before shot. So, it's not a true shot of how bad the yard really was.


That part of the yard that is under the flag, yeah...that was like a four foot drop off. The picture doesn't do it justice.



And here is a different shot to show you that the four foot drop off is now gone...


And it's amazing how much it's opened up the view to our house....


We seriously had the neighbor from one house over come and introduce himself. He asked if we had just moved in....uh....we've been here over a year now. He must have not noticed the truck parked in front from the kabillion trees in front.

Now we're ready to till it up and lay some seed down. Yes, we would love to be able to lay sod and have instant grass, but it's not in our budget whatsoever! So we're having to take the wait and see approach.

Hopefully in a few years, our yard will look much like our neighbors...

If you've made it this far and aren't family or friends...pat yourself on the back! I know this is very anti-climatic to just see a yard full of clay, but I promise, to anyone who has been to our house before, it's a big difference!!!

Here's hoping to no injuries this Halloween!!!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Confessions for today...

I may or may not have went to spin class this morning and worked my butt off, only to come home and make brownies at lunch time.


I may or may not have ate half the pan of brownies with the help of Olivia that same afternoon.


I may or may not have met a new mom at the park and acted like I had never met her before even though actually knew who she was and knew that she only lives four houses down from me.


I may or may not have been worried that if I said that I knew her because she and I took a class together in college years ago (we sat on opposite sides of the room and never spoke to each other) and I had realized a year ago we lived four houses from each other because I saw her in her yard a few times, she would have thought I was strange. (that is sad isn't it?......I've got issues)


I may or may not have pitched a fit when David informed me the cable company said they would not come out to fix our internet till April 5.


I may or may not have gave him a guilt trip that forced him to spend his 20 minute break in between work and a meeting trying to ghetto rig the cable, instead of spending time with Olivia like he orginally planned.


I may or may no let out a big sigh and rolled my eyes when his ghetto rigging didn't work.


I may or may not let out a "whoop whoop" when he called later to say, after a little threating, they would be here tomorrow to fix it.


I may or may not kept my kid from a second nap she was desperatly needing today, just so I could put her to bed at an earlier time an get some quiet time to myself.


I may or may not have been jealous when David informed me work was taking him out to eat dinner at my favorite Japanese Steak house, while I was stuck eating pancakes with the kid .


I may or may not felt a little lonely today, since I haven't really talked to any of my close friends the past few days.


I may or may not think blogging on a kindle is way too hard.

Technical Difficulties...

Before I started reciveing hate mail or calls from family about me not blogging or posting pictures of O.K., I wanted to let you know we currentlyhave no internet.

David and his Dad did some major yard work over the weekend, which involved the use of a bobcat, and cut the cable and water line. Thankfully, the water line was able to be fixed, the cable line however, requires the cable company to come out. We've called and waiting for them to call us back to just make an appointment. Which scares me...

In their defense (David and his Dad's), we called the "call before you dig" people to come out and mark the yard prior to the weekend yard project and they marked the cable line off by about three feet. There's no excuse for the water line.

It was a hard, long weekend for them two, but the yard looks so much better. Even if it's just a bunch of dirt at the moment. I'll post pictures as soon as we're reconnected to the rest of the world.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Saturday Morning

Who needs Saturday morning cartoons???

Hope the weather where you are is a wonderful as it is here.

Our weekend is filled with lots of family and time spent outside.

Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend!!! : )


Thursday, March 17, 2011

More Good Than Bad

We've come to a point, that our good days out number our bad.

For awhile, it seemed like things were never going to get better.

I don't know how to explain it, let's just say, she was frustrated. I was frustrated.

She would cry a lot. I would cry a lot (maybe even more).

Being completely honest....motherhood did not come as natural and easy to me as I always assumed it would. To take it one step further....being a stay at home mom didn't come as easy to me as I thought it would.

I like to chalk it up to this romantic vision of motherhood I walked around with for the first twenty seven years of my life. What I imagined...that would take a whole different post and y'all would just laugh at it.

There were days that I would tell David I was going to get a job and forget this stay at home mom thing. Days when I felt like I couldn't take being around my child for another minute before I went completely insane. Pretty much every day when David walked in the door, I handed her off and wanted nothing more to do with her the rest of the day.

I would listen and roll my eyes when everyone would say "it gets better."

There seemed to no light at the end of the tunnel.

But slowly, we started to figure each other out and we finally got into a routine (not a schedule, but a routine).

And like everyone said....things started to get better.

And now, I cannot get enough of her.

I miss her when she goes to bed at night.

I sometimes want to wake her up when she's slept a little longer than normal, just because I miss her big smile.

I just want to be around her and soak up every moment of her life, cause I know, one day the time will come for her to leave me.

It took us some time (around 15 months to be exact), but we've finally found our groove and I can finally say, we have more good days than bad.


Monday, March 14, 2011

In this last week...

~We've cut down eight trees in our front yard (by we, I mean David and my FIL).

~Olivia found a mud puddle.

~I may or may not have decided to just dump her play shoes in the trash and buy news ones just because I didn't feel like cleaning them up from the mud.



~Olivia and I went to visit my Nashville/Kentucky family over the weekend.

~Our 4 hour drive to Nashville turned into a 7 hour drive.

~I may or may not have broke down in tears on the phone with David about how long the drive was taking.


~I found a tick on my lower back.

~I was completely convinced I had Lyme disease after the spot became red, itchy, and hard a few days after I removed it.

~I may or may not completely freaked out after looking up Lyme disease on WebMD and had to have my mom take me to have a pharmacist look at the spot at 9pm on a Monday night to determine whether or not I needed to go to the ER (thankfully he said it looked normal and to keep an eye on it).


~I've realized that we just need to come to terms with the fact that Olivia cannot go out to eat in public.

~I've done my last restaurant meal with her for awhile (even family birthday parties), minus the three places she always behaves at because they are fast getting the food to you.

~I may or may not have decided that I really want more kids now, just so I have a real reason to no longer be able to go out to eat.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Monkey See, Monkey Do.

According to my child, evidently this is all I do all day...

Then she had to go get her phone to add insult to injury...

All she was missing was her diet coke....

(Sorry Dad, I meant water)

Look at those fingers...seriously????

Keep it up kid and your daddy might make me get a job!


Where did it go???

Where has this week gone???

I swear I went to bed on Sunday night and woke up to find it Thursday morning.

My mom called last night to check on me since I hadn't blogged all week. Which I always find HILARIOUS since we talked the day before and she is usually one of the first to know if there was actually something wrong. I guess it was really just a guilt trip for some pictures of baby girl.

In which I had to tell her that I had not picked up my camera all week.

Boo, me!!!

My apologies to the grandparents and great grandparents.

The weather is nice again today, so we'll be heading outside this afternoon (if we can withstand the wind) and I always take the camera outside with us, if you haven't already noticed.

A few things from our week....

~Monday night I got the chance to go with our MOPS group to fix dinner for the Ronald McDonald House. I honestly almost backed out at the last minute because I had to meet the group later and ride by myself. When David got home, I quietly said that I didn't think I was going to go because I can always justify to myself skipping out on some activity to spend time with him and OK, but he encouraged me to go. I'm so glad he did. It was so humbling to see these families. I knew why most of them were there, but I wasn't prepared to actually see several of the children. One in particularly really struck me....there was a mother and her teenage daughter there. You could tell something was wrong with the daughter, but seeing them two together just broke my heart. Of course, I could only picture Olivia and I. It really struck me. For the rest of the night, I was pretty quiet and couldn't get them out of my thoughts. My mind kept wondering to the thoughts...what if one day? When I got home, I was sharing it all with David and I finally broke down and lost it. I know people go through stuff like that everyday, we read blogs about it, I grew up watching my parents go through it with my brother, but it's so different to actually watch it as a parent. I'm so glad I got the opportunity to go, it's made me remember to count my blessings twice.

~Olivia and I went to finally got the chance to meet my friend Laura's new baby Landon on Tuesday. Let's just say that someone now has a case of some baby fever!!!

~After going back and forth for awhile, the conversation came up again about signing Olivia up for pre-school. In a snap decision, I went to register her for pre-k next year. We are still right now planning on homeschooling, but the program we are wanting to do, doesn't start till she's four. So what do we do for the next few years??? Right now, she's bored at home. If we had more children already, she would be find, but she does get bored with it being just her and I day in and out. Most weeks, we are busy enough to keep from getting bored, but not always. For the next two years, she'll go two days a week from 9-12 and then we'll start homeschooling with the co-op. So in reality, it's really no different than if we were homeschooling with the co-op. I know she will be learning stuff, but it's a 2 year old preschool class....let's be honest, it's not like they'll be doing algebra and reading Shakespeare....so I kinda look at it like a Mom's Day out kind of program for her age.

~We had book club last night and I loved last months book. We read Winter Bloom by Tara Heavey this month. I would have to say that it was one of my favorites that we have read so far and I would definitely recommend it. I don't want to tell too much to give it away, but it was very well written and it was pretty unanimous last night that everyone who read it, enjoyed it. I didn't get any pictures of the evening since I ran out the door to get a pedicure before hand.

~Which by the way...it's pretty bad when your laying in bed and your husband asks you to please do something with your feet cause they are that bad. But, whatever, cause guess who didn't have to pay for a pedicure with her own spending money? Maybe I should try that again in the future...

~We've been working a lots on our yard of the month lately (pic here). I'm so excited that we're finally getting to do something with it. We don't have the money to do what we would really like, but we've been blessed that a few people are going to help us with working with what we've got for around nothing, so I'm hoping to see some big changes in the next couple of weeks to our yard. And yes, I've reached the point in my life that I'm excited about yard work!


Hope everyone is having a great week! : )

Friday, March 4, 2011

He's Amazing....

It's someone's BIRTHDAY today.....

HIS....not mine.

This is his all time favorite picture of US.

You all may not know this, but this guy is AMAZING!!!

Even those who think they know him, really don't know just how AMAZING he is behind closed doors.

And I'm not meaning that to be in a sexual tone...although....

I'll just stop now since my grandparents are reading.

I honestly ask myself EVERYDAY how I ended up with a guy like him.

He is so WONDERFUL, not perfect, but close.

I know that God made him just for ME.

This guy knows me INSIDE and OUT.

And yet, he still loves me EVERYDAY.

He is an AWESOME father.

It's NOT an act or charade.

He is even a more doting DAD behind closed doors than out in public.

I LOVE watching him with his baby GIRL.

I could go ON and ON about how AWESOME he is.

But, I really just wanted to say...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVER!!!


Thursday, March 3, 2011

I love.....

little girls that are always carrying their phones with them and constantly texting

&

little legs in shorts.

the warm weather

&

the fact we've spent the last three weeks outside.

toys that are constantly thrown everywhere

&

a little girl that has always got a bag in her hand.

hearing little giggles from across the room

&

a little girl that has not taken those red converse off in over two weeks.

eyelashes that are to die for

&

crazy baby mullet hair.

a little girl that is just girlie enough

BUT

who doesn't mind getting dirty.

new friendships that have formed

&

quite possibly the sweetest, most happy baby girl ever, who happens to smile every time I look at her.

Tuesdays at the park with two of my favorite moms

&

a little girl who is climbing all over the jungle gym and doesn't care she's in all the big kids way.

curly head girls

&

crazy hair.

little boys with black eyes

&

knowing he's right where he should be.

long talks with friends

&

little girls that are always carrying their blankie around.


babies who run around in diapers

&

who feed the dog under the table, instead of eating their breakfast.


the season of life we're in

&

that I'm right where I want to be.