A glimpse into the future.

Yesterday afternoon, I stopped by to pick up the Pope kids on my way home from picking Olivia up from school. They were mine for the afternoon/evening.

I spent the afternoon wondering if this is what our house will look/sound like in the next five years.

I've always wanted a big family. It was the one thing I did not have growing up that I always wanted, but obviously, it was not my decision to make. David has known since the time we started dating that I always planned on having a big family. He however hasn't always been so on board with the idea. I've always wanted four. He's been stuck on two. We've compromised at three.

Sometimes though, I find myself questioning whether a big family is the right route and my mind starts questioning my heart's decision. I tell myself that we could afford more if only have two. We could afford to send them to better schools, we could afford nicer cars, nicer vacations, clothes, etc. I'm ashamed to say that those thoughts usually enter my mind when I'm out shopping. But, when I'm at home in this big house, I start to tell myself again that our family would not be complete unless we have (at least) two more children.

Yesterday I got a little glimpse into the future, our house was filled with a preschooler, a toddler, and a baby. The toy room was destroyed. The sisters were fighting (believe me when I say JK and OK fight like sisters...one minute their loving on each other, the next hitting, and then right back to loving). At dinner all the chairs (plus a highchair) were filled. Dinner was loud and filled with a preschooler's crazy stories, a toddler trying to out talk her, a baby who wasn't happy unless he was right there in the middle of it all, a momma who couldn't take more than two bites without having to get up to get something for someone, and a daddy who was trying to help out as best he could. I would be lying if I said I hadn't spent many a moments staring at our kitchen table dreaming of a dinner like that.

After dinner, I was getting Gabe's pj's on, Josie and David were giving Olivia a bath and I could hear their laughter coming down the hallway. My heart swelled and I decided right then that regardless of what my mind might tell me on certain days, I know our family will not be complete without a few more children.

Yesterday our house was full and I loved every moment of it. Right now our house doesn't feel empty, but it does feel like it's missing something. Kinda like my living room at the moment....it doesn't feel empty anymore, but it does feel like it's missing those two leather chairs I hope to get soon.

So, I've decided I'm going to stop entertaining those thoughts of whether two is enough, because I know for our family, it's not.


The Popes said…
I will loan mine to you anytime!

But honestly, I know what you mean. I want all the materialistic things but when I think of a full house and then all the love that will forever be around me I know that they are worth sacraficing the things!
Kameron said…
It is so different for everyone. When I had Nate I knew I would have one more and now that I have Arielle I feel like I'm all set. I have my boy, I have my girl and I don't feel like anyone is missing. My hubby on the other hand, wants at least one more. I don't know if I can mentally handle it. Working full time and trying to find the time to get everything done is already full enough. Who knows if I'll change my mind, but for now I think I'm ok with the 2 I have.
Tristan said…
I think since the Hub's diagnosis...T-A will be an only child :( good thing we have a BIG extended family!

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