The words I've been waiting for.
Early this morning I headed out for my hopefully last specialists appointment.
I decided to go alone because its just easier for David to stay at home with Olivia. Taking a three year old to any kind of appointment automatically stresses me out.
I went in dreading it. This may sound crazy to some, but its come to a point that I hate having ultrasounds. When it seems like all you do is get questionable news, they become not fun fast. It was so nice to go to my 24 week checkup, just hear the heartbeat, and go home.
As I laid on the table during the ultrasound this morning, I realized that this was my seventh ultrasound in past 18 weeks. Most pregnant women would kill to see their baby that often during pregnancy, especially when insurance is paying for it.
I realized though that I don't even search for her face anymore during them. Four years later, I still remember Olivia's features from her ultrasound pics. All I wanted to see was her face so I could picture what she looked like. I barely notice it with Amelia. After everything the past few times, I notice I atomically search for a beating heart, I look at her spine, I look at the fluid surrounding her, I look for a full bladder, counting to make sure she has four limbs. I guess its the things I've should've been concerned for when pregnant with Olivia.
The tech and I talked quiet a bit during the ultrasound. I knew the immediate questions to ask and thankfully, she responded. What is my fluid measuring? Can you see all the heart chambers (yes, I'm still asking this one)? What is her head measuring? What does she weigh now? Thankfully, she was answering my questions and said she felt it all looked good, but of course, the doctor has the final word.
She left me in an encouraging mood, but then I had to sit and wait for the doctor for the next 25 minutes. The longer I sat there, the quicker my courage started to fade. Over the last couple of months, my mother-in-law who is a twenty five year nursing veteran has been explaining to me "signs" to take from the doctors/ultrasound techs/nurses and I felt like that this was not a good sign.
The longer I laid there, I started to pray fiercely that everything was okay. While laying there, a song we sang in church yesterday immediately popped in my head and I seriously just started singing to myself over and over again. In a way it became not really my prayer, but my encouragement.
I knew no matter what...it was all going to be okay.
The doctor came in and before he even got in the door, he started spitting out the answers to my questions.
Her head measurements are no longer lacking.
We once again have a clear picture of all four chambers of her heart.
Your fluid is measuring in the normal range and measuring higher than a few weeks ago.
She's no longer lacking in size and weighing in at 2lbs.
And the words I've been waiting to hear.
"I feel there is no longer any reason for you to see us again."
I seriously almost burst into tears right then and there, but this time is was tears of joy.
So, though nothing is promised till we hold her in our arms, we finally got a good report.
Thirteen weeks to go and we'll be holding our "Melia Baby" in our arms.
I decided to go alone because its just easier for David to stay at home with Olivia. Taking a three year old to any kind of appointment automatically stresses me out.
I went in dreading it. This may sound crazy to some, but its come to a point that I hate having ultrasounds. When it seems like all you do is get questionable news, they become not fun fast. It was so nice to go to my 24 week checkup, just hear the heartbeat, and go home.
As I laid on the table during the ultrasound this morning, I realized that this was my seventh ultrasound in past 18 weeks. Most pregnant women would kill to see their baby that often during pregnancy, especially when insurance is paying for it.
I realized though that I don't even search for her face anymore during them. Four years later, I still remember Olivia's features from her ultrasound pics. All I wanted to see was her face so I could picture what she looked like. I barely notice it with Amelia. After everything the past few times, I notice I atomically search for a beating heart, I look at her spine, I look at the fluid surrounding her, I look for a full bladder, counting to make sure she has four limbs. I guess its the things I've should've been concerned for when pregnant with Olivia.
The tech and I talked quiet a bit during the ultrasound. I knew the immediate questions to ask and thankfully, she responded. What is my fluid measuring? Can you see all the heart chambers (yes, I'm still asking this one)? What is her head measuring? What does she weigh now? Thankfully, she was answering my questions and said she felt it all looked good, but of course, the doctor has the final word.
She left me in an encouraging mood, but then I had to sit and wait for the doctor for the next 25 minutes. The longer I sat there, the quicker my courage started to fade. Over the last couple of months, my mother-in-law who is a twenty five year nursing veteran has been explaining to me "signs" to take from the doctors/ultrasound techs/nurses and I felt like that this was not a good sign.
The longer I laid there, I started to pray fiercely that everything was okay. While laying there, a song we sang in church yesterday immediately popped in my head and I seriously just started singing to myself over and over again. In a way it became not really my prayer, but my encouragement.
I knew no matter what...it was all going to be okay.
The doctor came in and before he even got in the door, he started spitting out the answers to my questions.
Her head measurements are no longer lacking.
We once again have a clear picture of all four chambers of her heart.
Your fluid is measuring in the normal range and measuring higher than a few weeks ago.
She's no longer lacking in size and weighing in at 2lbs.
And the words I've been waiting to hear.
"I feel there is no longer any reason for you to see us again."
I seriously almost burst into tears right then and there, but this time is was tears of joy.
So, though nothing is promised till we hold her in our arms, we finally got a good report.
Thirteen weeks to go and we'll be holding our "Melia Baby" in our arms.
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Comments
Nora says "Every little thing, is gonna be alright" is the only song that calms Ralph down and it's become my own theme song. I think Amelia is right in tune with it.
well ♥
Amy K.