It's Ironic

Whenever I have a lot on my heart, I go silent on the blog.

I've been feeling off lately.

I'm sure your thinking "you say that every week?" Probably because lately it seems to be true.

I feel like I have a hundred different blog post to write about, but when I sit down to actually blog, I just can't seem to get any of it out. That's my excuse for the lack of readable material on here.

Plus, I haven't been picking up my camera lately. That's my excuse for the lack of pictures of our lives.

Actually, I shouldn't say those are excuses. They are the real reasons.

Olivia is completely draining me lately.

Emotional and physically.

I should be embarrassed to tell you that today at lunch, I cried about how worried I was that Olivia was going to be labeled in school as a trouble maker, hyperactive, or bad. Yes, I've lost it. I'm crying about something I have no clue may or may not happen at earliest five years down the road.

It spawned from our trip to story time this morning. I've taken Olivia to the baby story time at the library twice and she acted like a complete nut. Running all around, not listening to the story, climbing on tables and chairs. All the other babies her age...sitting and listening to the story. So....I took her to the older preschool age story time this morning. My thinking was that seeing the older kids (who she loves), she might sit and listen. WRONG!!! She ran around, pulling books off the shelf, yelling if I tried to hold her. Though thankfully I didn't see the librarian or the other mom's rolling their eyes, I was still a little embarrassed.

I feel like we're walking that fine line of "what do we let her get away with because she's still a baby and when do we discipline her?" Though people tell me she's advanced for her age, I struggle with the fact of she's still only 13 months old and what does she really understand. It's just hard, because when I look at other babies her age, they are just soooooo much more calmer than she is, so I don't know what we should expect out of her behavior.

I'm just so worried that I won't have control over her in a year or two. I don't want her to be "that kid" or want to be known as the parent with the unruly child. We do discipline her when she does things out of anger, but I don't want to get on to her for things that are just her personality and who she is.

Plus, her molars are still coming through. In fact, my child who always refused baby food, has now only eaten baby food and applesauce for the last 42 hours. Evidently, it hurts so bad, she won't eat table food. Her appetite has always been low, even lower over the last month. The past two weeks, she basically quit eating all together. So yesterday, I gave her a leftover jar of baby food and the child ate the entire thing. She's probably been starving for weeks now. Yes, she's also been doped up on Tylenol and teething tablets. I feel so bad for her, but it's really getting old now. All I have to say is that molars are no joke folks! Bless you all who are about to hit that stage.

There are other things on my heart, but I feel it's best I keep them off the blog. Nothing major, just stuff that's been bugging me lately.

We're going on a little trip this weekend. I'm hoping to come back from this little trip feeling refreshed and at least a little relaxed. Plus, after this weekend, Halloween will be over. I've never been a huge Halloween person. My favorite thing about Halloween, is when it's over, it kicks off the Holiday season for me. I love Thanksgiving and Christmas!!! I'm excited about the holiday season this year, since last year I was far from excited.

We will not have access to internet, so I'll be back next week. It took all I had to get this post out, so I have no scheduled post.

I need to get busy, I've yet to pack a thing.


Paige said…
Dear sweet Amber, this is something that I fret and worry over all of the time also. You must remind your self that this is a stage, and it to will pass. There are going to be many of the stages and we all go through them at some point or another. You just have to remember "It won't be like this for long" (Darius Rucker) Praying your spirits lift soon!
Kameron said…
Every kid is different. Nate is just like Olivia, a spitfire with a will that I fear will break me before I can ever break him. He is loud and wild and crazy but at the same time he is brilliant and funny. I think when kids are that advanced (Nate had almost 50 words by the time he was 1) they need to be kept occupied a lot more than other kids. As she grows that will be your biggest challenge. My mom had the same problem with me. If I wasn't busy being constructive, she said I was destructive.

I guess being smart is a blessing and a curse. I am often jealous of other kids who seem to just be able to sit and listen and be calm. During those times when I feel like that I have to take a minute to think of all of the things my son does that most kids his age don't.

He has been in a home day care that I feel is a disadvantage. It is too much like a home setting and I am putting him in preschool in January so he can get more structured learning and see what is socially acceptable behavior.

Try not to let it get you down. I know how frustrating it can be, but she will amaze you and crack you up with the things she comes up with as she gets older and you won't want to trade her for anything!
Jennifer said…
I can be the same way - when there's a lot going on in my heart I find myself not knowing how to write anything on my blog. Because I want to write it and put it out there and then I don't, or just can't...but I totally understand what you mean.

I think at the age both of our kiddoes are (between baby and full blown toddler) is a difficult age to navigate through. WE've been questioning disciplining methods and things too and not sure exactly how to handle certain things yet. We are all learning - the kiddoes and us as new parents. Just give yourself some grace. We'll figure it out. (o:
The Popes said…
I think you're an amazing mother.

I think Olivia is a great kid.

And I think you should put your eggs on a higher shelf.

Love you. Love you. Love you.
Tristan said…
aw :( hoping things get better you way!

just love her..and the rest will come to'll figure her out..she's just a baby still..sounds like she has a strong personality!

have a good trip!!
Anonymous said…
I hope you know that you will never be labeled "that mom" and olivia will never be "that kid". You are an amazing mother, especially considering the limited amount of breaks that you get. Olivia is in a class all of her own. She is so smart and has such an outgoing personality already at one that I'm excited to see what she's going to be like when she's older. You'll have to remind yourself how proud of her you are going to be once she can use that personality and intellegence to exceed over and beyond what many other kids her age will be able to do. I love you!

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