Rut

Funk, blah, whatever you call it, I feel like I've been in it lately.

And not just with blogging, life in general...

I was talking through email this morning with a dear friend about how I felt like I was in a rut (she is feeling the same way too, so thankfully, I'm not alone) with everything lately. I don't know whether to blame it on the heat or what, but I feel like life is standing still at the moment.

I know though that I'm ready for some changes in our life.

I've been wanting to do some changes around the house, but for whatever reason, money seems to keep running out, so I'm left with going to home depot or lowes to walk around and price stuff that it seems we'll never have the money to do anytime soon.

I'm ready to add to our family, but our homestudy keeps being sent out and not picked. We're told constantly by anyone involved with the system, that we're the states dream come true. On paper, we look awesome, but for reasons only God knows, we keep getting passed on by and the kids keep going to other families. I'm ready, David's ready, and even Olivia's ready.

I'm ready for Olivia's diva attitude to be gone. I spoke too soon when I said I wanted her to stay this age forever. Ever since we got back from vacation, she's been very whinny and crying when things don't go her way....which evidently is all day long. We've tried different schedule/routines, new ways of discipline, etc. but nothing seems to be putting an end to it. I'm tired of fighting with her, I'm tired of the constant crying. At the end of the day, I'm so exhausted from dealing with her, I don't even have the mental energy to pick up the laptop and type out a post or an email to a friend who emailed me days before just to check on me.

I'm ready to find a church where we both feel like we belong. For the last few months we've been back on the hunt for a new church home. As odd as it might sound, when we first started going to the church we've been attending regularly, we knew it was not going to be our permanent church home. It was just what seemed to work for us at the time. One of us just hasn't always felt at home at the church and is ready to move on. It's pretty apparent, so much so, people ask "is D okay?" whenever we go (he usually looks like a deer in headlights during the service). The best way to explain it is that it's not the type of church we grew up in and the style of worship we're used to. So, we've been on that hunt again and so far we're still searching. It's hard to find a place you both feel like you belong.

I'm ready for the temperature to cool off. I now understand why the schools down here started to go back so early in the last ten years (most schools here went back this week or next), because it's so hot at this point in time in the summer, you might as well have the kids can no longer play outside, so you might as well have them in school in the air conditioner. We're to that point that you cannot even go outside anymore. Olivia wants to go play outside so bad, but usually after only 15 minutes out, her cheeks are already beet red. After 30 minutes, I usually cannot stand sitting it in any longer. I'm usually a summer lover, but I only like May and June. I cannot stand when it gets this hot. I'm ready for the fall and the holidays (yeah, I just said it).

So, that's my rut lately. David and I talked the other day that we both feel like we're in this kinda holding period. Yes, it's mainly due to waiting on more kids. I've been keeping my mouth shut to not speak too soon, but our homestudy has been sent out four different times for four different sibling groups and we haven't been picked for a single one. One group we were disappointed about, because it seemed like it would be the perfect fit for us, but we haven't heard anything from their caseworker in weeks now, so we're assuming they went to another family. No one has to tell me, cause I know that means that God has another group planned for us and they will come when the time is right, but lets be honest....when your waiting, it can still be disappointing.

I know this post was so happy and cheerful, but it's where I feel like we are in life right now. Maybe saying it all out loud (or posting) will help get me out of the funk.

At least I have a cute kid to leave you with....

Comments

Kameron said…
I think we all go through cycles of feeling like this. I am in the upswing of my rut right now. I haven't been blogging much either. I just feel like it takes too much effort sometimes. I am going to get back into it I think. I hope you start to feel back to yourself soon. i hate that feeling of blah. :(