I just want to run...again

Remember how I mentioned a few weeks ago that I have one goal this year???

Well, I feel ready to share now.

I just want to RUN again.

When the end of 2011 came rolling through, naturally, I started thinking about 2012 and what I wanted to accomplish in this upcoming year. I'm a sucker for a new year and a fresh start. The first thing that crossed my mind was the usual "I want to get in shape and lose weight." We all know I was not ashamed to partake in the usual holiday over eaters club.

However, that's been my goal for the last two years. Though I have somewhat accomplished that goal, I wouldn't say that I officially succeeded at it. I'm sure I've stated it before on here, but I ate everything but the kitchen sink when pregnant with Olivia and walked into the delivery room weighing more than my 6'2 husband (I'm only 5'4). Over the last two years, I've lost all but the last five pounds.

Honestly, 9 out of 1o days, I'm comfortable with that extra five pounds. I'm a firm believer in no matter what you weigh, we all have those fat days. I'm still in my "healthy" weight range and my doctor complimented me on losing the weight at my last yearly, so I started with being honest with myself in that number on the scale didn't really bother me.

I decided that "losing weight" was no longer motivation for me. I needed something more to work for in the physical area of my life.

After doing lots of thinking, I realized my mind kept coming back to one thing....I wanted to start running again on a regular basis. I wanted to be able to call myself a runner again.

I'll be honest with that I usually have a shot of jealously when I see people out running. I wanted to be able to call myself a runner. It may sound silly, but I'd love to say "I run seven miles four days a week," just like the mom I saw on the Today Show last month. Its bad enough that I honestly get jealous when I see everyone out running early in the mornings when we're on our beach vacations. I want to be the girl who gets up and runs on vacation because its something I enjoy doing. It may be silly to some, but it really is a dream of mine.

I say again because I spent most of my childhood running. Both my parents ran track or cross country in high school, so they naturally signed me up for the local track and field team when I was 7. I then continued to run track through out high school. However, when I got to college, I quit.

I've tried to get back into running off and on for the last five or so years, but each time, I've failed after only a week or two.

This past Christmas, while spending time with family, I overheard something that someone very close to me said and it hit me to the core. I wasn't even involved in the conversation, just walking through the room, however that statement was one that had the power to change my entire outlook on the whole thing and that person doesn't even know it.

What was said... "If I'd known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."

I sat on that sentence for a good week, it constantly playing over and over in my head.

Suddenly, I started looking at the running in a whole new light. It wasn't about just calling myself a runner or losing weight anymore, it was about taking care of myself. Not just physically, but also emotionally.

I've seriously spent the last five plus years thinking about getting into running again. But like I said earlier, I always failed. It was becoming an emotional thing because it was a dream I was continuously quitting on and was starting to feel like a failure. It is seriously one of those things that I know I would always regret because I did and still do actually enjoy running. It's one thing that ALWAYS gives me a sense of accomplishment when I'm finished.

As the new year rolled in, I decided that this year has to be the year. There were no more excuses. I wanted to do it and I have to do it for my own ego.

So, as I type this, I'm now halfway through my fourth week of the couch to 10K program.

Yeah, I decided to skip the couch to 5k.

This week is a big deal for me because I have never before made it past the second week and I've successfully now been plugging at it for a full month (this weekend).

And, I've been loving it again.

So much so that I've now started craving my runs if I take more than a day off.

I'm not ready to officially call myself a "runner" yet. And yes, I have a few running goals this year I'll share later and I have a whole lot more I want to talk about on the subject but I already feel this post is getting wordy.

So, there it is...what I've been working on this past month.

I won't lie though, when lacing up for my run on Monday, I felt already a little bit of accomplishment when Olivia looked at me and said "you running momma!"

Yes, I'm running....again.