It's a love/hate thing.

I guess I should be worried when the husband comments about no blog posts.

I may have not mentioned it before, but he's not always a fan of the ol' blog here and he only reads it about once a month or when a friend comments to him about something they read in a blog post.  

He likes his privacy, he likes our family's privacy.  He doesn't "get" social media. Believe it or not, he's not on facebook or twitter.  Never has been, never plans to be.  He is a member of instagram, but he only follows me to see pictures of the girls throughout the day when he's away.  He doesn't take any instagram pics himself, so no need to search him out.

However, his comment last night brought up a conversation about the blog.

I have a very love/hate relationship with blogging these days.

A big part of me gets where he's coming from.  When I started this blog (joined facebook, instagram, etc.) I honestly didn't think about how it was having myself and my family out there for the world to see. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, but we all know the type of world we live in.  People can be mean.  People can be judgmental.  People can be downright crazy. Though for the most part, I've had pretty good feedback from these social outlets, but I have had my fair share of criticism.  Sometimes you just get tired of putting yourself out there for the world to see.

Lately I've just wanted to hide my family from the world.  Maybe it comes from being out here on the farm and kinda by ourselves, but in a weird way, its made me long for our privacy back.

I want to enjoy the moment and live life without having to worry about snapping pictures for a post, or spending what very little time I have for myself these days, on keeping the world up to date with our lives.  Lately there has just been a strong urge to spend my time doing other things.  For the past year or so, blogging has felt like its gone for being something I do for myself, to being something I do for others. I cannot tell you how many times I've thought about quitting, only two days later to be told by someone "I love reading your blog" and then the guilt to continue on washes over me and I keep blogging on.

And then there comes the love part...

For years (I've been blogging for over five years now....crazy!) I never went back and read old post. No clue as to why.  Nicole would get on to me all the time for not going back to read them again. About a year ago though, I started going back to read a few.  Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, but I started to love going back to read them and crying over how little Olivia was just a year before.  I love the record keeping aspect of it still.  Part of me worries about what the girls will think if they stumble across the blog years from now.  Will they hate the fact I shared details of their daily lives with the world and not just a plain old scrapbook, or will they look over that and love the fact I kept something that we can look back on the memories?

To be honest, I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this.  Though I have struggled with it in the past, I don't feel as the blog is over quite yet.  At the same time though, I haven't had the urge to sit down and record the past month or so. 
These past few weeks, we've been digesting some big news from friends, we've celebrated the upcoming marriage of a family member, and we've gotten back into a school routine that we've finally been able to keep up with and seeing some success with.  On top of that, we've dealt with a kid sick with a virus one week and the other kid with an earache/cold/fourth tooth coming in this week (that has been as fun as you can imagine it is). 

Blogging or not, life has still been full.


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