Sometimes life sucks.

Can I be sucks right now.

I honestly don't know if I'm coming or going lately. 

Amelia is still screaming nonstop and it's too the point we're all crying with her.  Somethings wrong with her to make her this unhappy. I know its more than just colic. I feel it.  She cries nonstop regardless of the time of day and most of the time, there is no way to comfort her.  Some days are better than others, but after almost three straight weeks, we're desperate.  So, by the time you read this we'll be heading off to one of our two appointments today to figure out what the deal is.

Along with that, I've been struggling with major guilt over the fact I have no time to devote to Olivia.  Believe me, I knew adding another kid was going to take away some time, but dealing with a baby who screams non stop takes away almost all your time and energy.  Doing school has been pretty much non existent in these last few weeks and as much as I hate to admit it, she's either been camped out in front of the tv or fending for herself.   After a couple of weeks, I can tell she's needing more.  Before the baby came, we once discussed sending her to school for this year, but she said she would rather do school at home, so we dropped it and prayed we'd survive the first few weeks.  This week the discussion has resurfaced and it's been a hard one for me.  It's left me in tears more often than I'd care to admit.

I know most would say I'm making too much out of sending her to preschool, but it's a big deal to me in the fact it would completely change our family dynamics and it's something I'm not quite sure I'm ready for at this moment, but I know I have to look at what's best for her and all of us at this moment.

But, it's hard and it just sucks in general.

I hate to feel like I'm posting two complaining post in a row, so with all that being said, here are a few things I've been grateful for this week....

~A husband who, after ten hour days, has come home everyday since "cry fest 2013" has begun and taken care of said cry baby and her sister, while kicking me out the door most nights to get a break.

~A rekindled friendship over the last few weeks.

~A best friend who knows you well enough to say "what's going on?" and questions your absence from the world ( media) and then allows you to literally cry on the phone about your crying baby and the possibility of sending your big baby to school.  

~My "everyday" family.

~Having a mother-in-law who shows up at your door with a home cooked meal, a bottle of wine, and then proceeds to take both crying baby and big sister to her house so you can get a moment of silence.

~Energy drink mixes.  Silly? Maybe.  I'm going on four hours of sleep these days and that's about five hours less than I normally need to function.  These things have been getting me thru the long days.  Though I did learn I was drinking enough of them to equal to nine cups of coffee. Oops.

 (My sister had this on her facebook page the other day and it just so happened to be right after I realized I was drinking a whole pot of coffee.)

And because no post is complete without a picture....

Here's the ring leader of "Cry Fest 2013"

This would be the only time she's not crying.  Unfortunately, she doesn't sleep all day.

Praying for answers and a better week.

Happy weekend! : )


Tristan said…
we will be praying for ya'll, my heart just breaks for you!! You are a great mommy for wanting the answers!!
And in regards to can totally catch up on the school later..don't be too hard on yourself!!
Jennifer said…
OH girl - you're going through the whole - omigodihavetwokidsandhowthehelldoidothis phase? Sadly, I am STILL there, but at least you're not alone right?

Hoping you find some answers to Amelia's constant crying - readjusting to life is much harder when you don't know what's wrong with your little one.

Hang in there - it has to get better. Hugs.

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