Looking back.


Can I tell you a secret?

These days I can no longer look at pictures of Olivia pre diagnoses.

As far as I can look back is the week that everything changed, beyond that, I just can't do it anymore. 

Right now...looking back feels like torture.

While doing some early spring cleaning the other day, I stumbled across a SD card. It sat on the counter for a week or so before I popped it in the hard drive.

They immediately brought tears to my eyes. 

Okay, the reality is that I sat there and stared at them for maybe a good twenty minutes and bawled my eyes out. 
 

These pictures were taken a little over a year ago.

I feel like I don't even know who that little girl is anymore.

Is it crazy I feel like I don't even remember her with hair anymore?

It hurts to look at pictures and know that just six months later, my girl would be laying in ICU fighting for her life.

That six months later our world would be rocked and as they say "we'd become members of an exclusive country club no one wants to be apart of."

That life would now divided into "pre-cancer" and "post-cancer" days. 

It's crazy how much life can change in just a year...a week...a day...


I stumbled across a qoute on Pinterest the other day and it said

"When you can tell your story and it doesn't make you cry, you know you have healed." ~Unknown.

Oh,how true is that?

I'm not there yet...no where near it. 

It feels like we have a long way to go, but day by day it's getting a little easier to look back.

Comments

Tristan said…
Love love love y'all!!!!!
I cried as I read this. It happens to me all the time. I look at a pre-leukemia picture, and just start weeping. Kylie will turn 5 in a few days. Her 4th birthday seems like a lifetime ago. 2-3 years treatment is half of their little lives. Thank you for sharing your pain. Keep looking ahead. Hoping that very soon this will all be a distant memory.